المدة الزمنية 16:43

4 Habits of ALL Successful Relationships | Dr. Andrea & Jonathan Taylor-Cummings | TEDxSquareMile

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تم نشره في 2019/06/21

ALL relationships face a similar set of hurdles. We all need to be equipped to get over the hurdles, so that our relationships don’t just survive, but thrive. Based on over 20+ years’ experience of working with countless couples, Dr. Andrea & Jon Taylor-Cummings share their observations of the 4 fundamental habits that all successful relationships exhibit. Dr Andrea & Jon Taylor-Cummings are co-founders of Soulmates Academy – an organisation on a mission to reduce relationship and family breakdown across the globe, by proactively educating people to develop strong relationship capability. As a key part of this vision for social change, they help organisations equip people to build healthy relationships at home so they can perform better at work, improve wellbeing and mental health, and achieve better work-life balance. As City professionals and entrepreneurs themselves, over the last 20+ years, Andrea & Jon have leveraged their first-hand experience of the inevitable relationship challenges of high-stress careers to help countless couples strengthen communication and relationship skills, overcome challenges and improve happiness. Andrea & Jon are recognised authorities on the subject of couple relationships and marriage, with numerous public speaking engagements and several TV and Radio appearances in the UK. Their book is due out soon. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

الفئة

الكلمات

TEDxTalks

English

Global Issues

Communication

Education

Family

Happiness

Mental health

Relationships

Social Change

Work

عرض المزيد

تعليقات - 1442

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@Sshevaniantooaمنذ 5 سنوات I wish more adults would spend time watching things like this instead of scrolling around on social media.its never too late to grow and learn together. 5131
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@firstcomeslove2321منذ 5 سنوات ‘People go where they feel welcome but stay where they feel valued.’ That says it all. 4266
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@leuchtag1منذ 4 سنوات 1. Be curious, not critical = appreciate difference
2. Be careful, not crushing = fight or flight is selfish -> conflict boundaries -> care id="hidden2" class="buttons"> for the other
3. Ask, don’t assume = discussing issues
4. Connect, before you correct = communicate value and appreciation, holding back on criticism, people stay where they feel valued ....وسعت 1483
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@bonzwellness2316منذ 5 سنوات Did y'all hear her whisper "mental health" to help him get back on track? That's a partnership! And the way they look at each other while they speak is kinda beautiful. 2179
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@frederickitt7165منذ 3 سنوات We need more dating/relationship coaching like THIS instead of all these male and female "dating coach" profiles teaching you how to string the id="hidden4" class="buttons"> other along or manipulate each other emotionally. This was refreshing!! ....وسعت 742
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@tic9563منذ 5 سنوات MY PARENTS!!!!
I am so proud of what you have achieved. Keep it up.
Edit: For those wondering, my mother is indeed Jamaican, my father is from Sierra Leone. 4262
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@wisdomspacecounselling281منذ 4 سنوات Wouldn'it be so good if we would learn this at school ? My life would have been a lot easier and less painful. Who agrees? 756
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@janetDT1904منذ 5 سنوات My husband and I have been together for 10 years and without knowing it, we put ALL these guidelines into our marriage. We talk about our values, we put id="hidden6" class="buttons"> each other first, we pull closer to each other in hard times and cherish the good times. My Alun is my best friend and I'm so crazy in love with him xx ....وسعت 808
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@YourWingmamمنذ 3 سنوات This also highlights the importance of choosing a partner with values and beliefs that are compatible with yours. Attraction and even love isn’t enough to maintain happiness in a relationship. 1370
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@tijaduno3417منذ 5 سنوات U can't solve a problem with the same level of thinking that got u there - Einstein 1056
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@FatNebraskaMomمنذ 5 سنوات Man, this is true. My husband and I broke up after four years together, were apart for three years, and then we got back together and have been strong id="hidden8" class="buttons"> af since. We decided right then that we were gonna go balls to the wall with honesty and love. We went to a therapist and got alot of this information, how to fight constructively, how to stay calm, how to communicate without anger. He is my best friend and we love each other deeply. ....وسعت 575
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@sara_bمنذ 5 سنوات 1. Be curious, not critical
2. Be careful, not crushing
3. Ask, don’t assume
4. Connect, before you correct
You’re welcome! (The speech is great nonetheless) ....وسعت 6370
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@skatenessمنذ 2 سنوات She quietly whispered “mental health” to get him back on track while still nodding in agreement. That’s love ❤️ 46
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@DanaShemeshProمنذ 5 سنوات True! But it’s only work when both sides have self-awareness and willing to make a change! 791
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@bmay8818منذ 5 سنوات Communication. That's it. That's the only thing everyone needs to do to have good/great relationships, assuming you have a certain level of compatibility id="hidden10" class="buttons"> of course. My wife and I have the best relationship there is and much of that has to do with the fact that we tell each other EVERYTHING. We never ever lie (not even about tiny things), we never fight (not the same as never arguing), and we have a rule that we always assume the other is acting out of helpfulness and love. It is utterly impossible to have a good relationship of any real depth without communicating well. Communication requires vulnerability, which I think is a big reason why many people aren't great at it. ....وسعت 632
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@heatherhail6975منذ 2 سنوات what you said makes total sense. thx for your epxerince !! my experience from bed is trying natural drops spanish fly (my best friend recommended it to id="hidden11" class="buttons"> me) and i feel like god after 5 drops of it . i thought it is nonsence but actually it hepled me a lot ....وسعت 275
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@annaadams86fulمنذ 3 سنوات Intentional Relationship Habit
1. Be curious, not critical (invest in the time to consider the different thinking ability)
2. Be careful, id="hidden12" class="buttons"> not crushing. (learn how to work together, honor, respect vs react)
3. Ask vs assume (communication we respect)
4. Connect before you correct (be deliberate to find a meaningful moment in the relationship) ....وسعت 107
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@kgiovanni9443منذ 5 سنوات I love how she feed him his line.Have each others back!! Great talk. 343
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@sushmakumari8974منذ 4 سنوات “You cannot solve a problem with the same level of thinking that got you there”
❤️❤️ 109
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@ewilliams8099منذ 5 سنوات I did not know healthy relationships were a benefit to public health. I like this video. It’s very important. 371
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@Sunshine-Moon2منذ 3 سنوات My husband and I have been together 14 years. I'm always willing to hear and learn new things on becoming a better wife. 72
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@goncanouenochbisd56منذ 4 سنوات The Irony is most people here don't have enough patient to go through 16 minutes video but want to keep a good relationship. POOAAAA 284
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@PlanetC64منذ 5 سنوات I love the mutually supportive body language . walking the talk 180
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@marvinbienaime2012منذ 5 سنوات Ask and not assume is a huge one for me. 230
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@FeonaLeeJonesمنذ 5 سنوات both people must be committed to growing together otherwise someone gets outgrown 174
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@jennakfaeمنذ 2 سنوات People simply don't know how to love each other which is why videos like this are essential. And not loving yourself leads to choosing the wrong partner. love in action is a constant practice let's keep learning 34
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@martoafroمنذ 3 سنوات I appreciate every single one of the last 16 minutes and 42 seconds spent on my smartphone 3
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@itzelpaz8420منذ 5 سنوات Unhappiness in marriages also affects children. 585
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@sonyaberkenpas5071منذ 4 سنوات When she helps him with his train of thought at and whispers “mental health”.I drank the kool-aid. ♥️♥️♥️ 86
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@soundharyas4363منذ 4 سنوات My parents are in a hard place right now, they are constantly angry at each other, fight about silly things, and be disappointed in each other. They are id="hidden15" class="buttons"> taking zero effort to work it out. So, my elder sister, my younger brother, and I took it on our hands to solve the issue. We cannot bear this any longer. I am watching these videos to prepare myself to talk to them about it and help them understand the problem and solve it. I really hope they can work it out. They cannot have a proper conversation or understand each other. Instead, they will just lash out at each other which always ends with either one or both of them being hurt. I am going to suggest these habits and hope it will work out. The talk was really useful for preparing myself, hope it will solve the issue too. ....وسعت 120
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@eugenawoodson3816منذ 2 سنوات I also love how he looks at her EVERYTIME she speaks.
This was powerful. 6
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@tundihenna3507منذ 5 سنوات I love how she helped him out when he forgot his part ❤️ 92
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@tonyaharris6593منذ 3 سنوات The respect they have for one another is everything, it made their love stronger. Thank you! 18
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@marinaketelslegers8996منذ 5 سنوات omg look how they listen to each other 60
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@KevinFremonمنذ 5 سنوات Such an important Talk and one of the best TedX speeches I've seen in seen in quite some time. Couldn't be more perfectly timed with where my wife and I are at in our marriage. Thank you Dr. Andrea and Jonathan! 193
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@aprillajomمنذ 3 سنوات "We invest on things we value". Indeed! 2
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@itsbelle31afriqueمنذ 3 سنوات The lady speaks so calmly, so comforting 1
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@phoenix3996منذ 4 سنوات Truly love yourself at first then you can love others. 12
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@PinkYellowGreen2023منذ 4 سنوات Preparing for my future husband by educating myself with the opinions of others is awesome! I had no idea that so much information existed!!! 13
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@jillschmidtمنذ 4 سنوات Such a great talk! "People go where they feel welcome but stay where they feel valued.", so many good points made here! ❤️ 17
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@marrylfaham5903منذ 4 سنوات "You can't solve problems with the same level of thinking" - Einstein 39
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@Janebeatriceejimمنذ 5 سنوات brilliant . the world so need this to correct breaking away of marriages , mental health issues on teenagers and adults , breaking away of ideal moral id="hidden18" class="buttons"> values ,. and look what equality and mutual respect can achieve. bless you two ....وسعت 14
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@dr.squidwardburr7661منذ 2 سنوات I found this a much more refreshing offering than the typical:
"We keep on telling men to be better men, and we just simply can't figure id="hidden19" class="buttons"> out why relationships keep breaking down," one-sided diatribe.
Thank You! ....وسعت 2
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@frozen3083منذ 2 سنوات 'We all invest in the things that we value' well said 2
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@comfortkabanshi5048منذ 4 سنوات This woman has such a pleasant voice. I can listen to her whole day. 7
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@ethan_grootمنذ 2 سنوات 1. Be curious Not critical => No one is perfect. Don't just look to negative side, see the positive beauty too.
2. Be careful Not crushing id="hidden20" class="buttons"> => fights are very common and very normal. Don't be me center (my life, my interests,..) Be off center.
3. Ask Don't assume => Instead of making all stories (assumptions) just go and have a talk (ask)
4. Connect Before you correct => understand him/her, understand the situation, the feelings, the things they are going through Before you judge them.
Line 1 —> You can't solve a problem with the save level of thinking that got you there.
Line 2 —> People go where they feel welcome But stay where they feel valued.
Those are things I understood
Feedbacks are welcome. ....وسعت 14
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@hollyherald7324منذ 4 سنوات This couple's talk is so seamless. Love how they lead and balanced each other. Great speakers. 4
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@alikat3286منذ 5 سنوات I needed to hear this more than this couple knows. Extremely insightful & something I will share with my significant other. Thank you ❣️ 16
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@diahandoمنذ 3 سنوات Investing in relationships
· More curious than critical
· More careful than crushing
· Asking rather than assuming
· Connecting more than we correct ....وسعت 5
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@christianlambمنذ 4 سنوات Cultivating mindful habits like this are so crucial for a healthy and passionate relationship. Thank you for sharing this! Would love to see another few million views to ensure the message impacts more of our world. ❤❤ 11
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@jaymorr2414العام الماضي This was great much needed much appreciated. 1
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@thandicandy5452منذ 2 سنوات I like his last statement, leave the world a better place for the generations to come. Truly our behavior and choices have an effect on our children. 1
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@wellbodisaloneالعام الماضي Communication will always be key so relationships can work. 1
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@kyraocityمنذ 4 سنوات I’ve been searching for solutions to help in my relationship. I’m also a Senior TED Fellow. I’ve been watching TED and TEDx talks since 2007. This was an excellently crafted talk for two. It exemplifies the content they communicate so well. It also offers simple yet valuable insights and lessons through a simple story arch. Excellent TEDx talk worthy of the TED mainstage. Do you all have a book out? It reminds me of a fav quote. “Intentionality without habituality is empty. Habituality without intentionality is dead.” ....وسعت 10
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@saarahamod8472منذ 4 سنوات The way he looks at her as she talks is so nice, I like that 2
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@louiseattzsمنذ 5 سنوات This is amazing to hear familiar voices on YouTube! Well done you two! You've been an inspiration to me from young 48
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@spastaproductionsمنذ 4 سنوات I really loved this. I do love self help and working on loving oneself and building oneself up. I get that. But let's be honest with ourselves, the id="hidden24" class="buttons"> relationship piece is a big piece of the life pie and it matters. We can't bypass it. I love how this video seeks to address the issues that stop everyone from having connection and they don't attempt to bypass it. They are also together in a healthy marriage and proof of their own pudding. VERY well done. ....وسعت 21
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@OyaRevolutionaryمنذ 5 سنوات Ace! Yes relationships are so hard but rewarding when you value each other’s intentions and commitment 9
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@yourfuturestartstoday5055منذ 4 سنوات I can not thank you enough!
I am fascinated by the way you explain everything! Calmly, without hurry! It was a heart-to-heart communication rather id="hidden25" class="buttons"> than face-to-face. I guess your ability of connecting with so many people can tell a lot about your own relationship and your professional experience! I can not wait to be a Part of Your Soulmates Academy)) ....وسعت 12
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@porksoda2342منذ 4 سنوات I wanna comment again and say thank you so much you two for this video and this speech. I agree that relationships are so worthy of being invested in rather id="hidden26" class="buttons"> than chanced upon in the world. I wanna put forth that effort in my life. Thank you ❤️ ....وسعت 6
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@ilovejesus9303منذ 5 سنوات Sometimes personal background , how someone way raised contribute so much in how to handle relationship. If you passed from one family to another without id="hidden27" class="buttons"> settling with one can really affect how to behave in your marriage esp if your other partner comes from a well organized family. I am living this right now but I have learned to accept that weakness and work with him through it slowly. It's just that he doesn't know how to deal with simple family issues not because he doesn't want but because he never experienced such things before. So background matters alot and always try to know your partner backgrounds. It can save you time to just ignore some things not to fight over. ....وسعت 46
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@AzaliyaSanمنذ 5 سنوات I was really touched of their speech.I was just crying of listening of their life performance ❤ 8
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@RellySmooveقبل 8 أشهر Such a perfect couple. I am In awe. Very inspirational. 1
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@emmadelights933منذ 4 سنوات I just love the way you guys talk, wow wow, I definitely practice these rules not knowing how important they are until I got myself listening to you both. This just strengthens every thing 4
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@HiraMunaf-mj9xuالعام الماضي such a useful content I found today .. Thank you for sharing these important tips 1
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@leforjoseph5371منذ 2 سنوات Excellent delivery. Great message to comply to 1
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@lucyhatil9940منذ 4 سنوات Great advice for all relationships. Fantastic! Thank you! 5
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@alliemaxwell8382منذ 5 سنوات Excellent talk. This should be prerequisite material for all relationships. Great work. 15
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@alisaperez3716منذ 4 سنوات They're such a pleasant couple! They're so cute! 8
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@balabriggsmere7628منذ 3 سنوات Dear Dr Andrea and Jon Taylor-Cummings, thank you. I thank you both immensely. I found your talk on the 4 habits of all successful relationships absolutely id="hidden29" class="buttons"> uplifting, educative and so insightful. Thank you ever so much for sharing these amazing habits with us all. ....وسعت 1
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@unusualmaryمنذ 4 سنوات This is a great discuss. Being intentional 8
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@joannegoodman1388منذ 5 سنوات I am a highly spiritual women. I am now 28months a widow after 35 yrs together. As I reflect on our time together the most significant action I took when id="hidden30" class="buttons"> ever we were in trouble over my head, was prayer. Asking for the higher power to help. It worked like magic.
There is a power greater than ourselves. Compassionate, merciful and wise. One need not be religious to call on this remarkable awesome force for intervention. ....وسعت 210
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@samh6658منذ 5 سنوات Lovely talk.I guess it all comes down to being respectful, which often gets eaten up by anger and sadness. I have been working on not reacting - it is a good start. 11
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@chansirlongمنذ 3 سنوات Habits:
1. Be curious, not critical. When your partner's habits grate on your nerves, invest the time to explore why they are wired differently, id="hidden32" class="buttons"> rather than critique it.
2. Be careful not crushing.
During fights, work toward general resolutions and establish boundaries: agree never to hit each other, walk away angry, hang up, or threaten the dissolution of the relationship out of spite. Hold to the rules.
3. Ask don't assume. Never assume negative intentions of a partner. And never assume they will do something and then be disappointed when they don't.
4. Connect before you correct. People go where they feel welcomed, but stay where they feel valued. Date night maintains the fun and magic of relationship. And increases the chances of relationship survivavl. Always shift the balance to connect before correcting or introducing a problem ....وسعت 8
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@thesetruths1404منذ 4 سنوات You sure are truly lovely, intelligent people doing a wonderful work for families. May Yahweh bless you and yours!
Listeners and wisdom seekers, listen: it is true. I know from making the mistakes. 21
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@lindalester7162منذ 3 سنوات I really like these Dr.'s personalities and presentation styles. 1
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@RoseA23قبل 3 أشهر Thanks for this great talk. I added the 4 reminders on my phone. it's very important especially with our children ❤
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@shawnomalley323منذ 5 سنوات Great example of assumptions from past experiences "What planet are your from???" Loved it 2
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@cadellahenry4267منذ 4 سنوات The timing of this Talk is impeccable. I asked my husband for a divorce and he's not taking me seriously. When your efforts don't feel valued and id="hidden34" class="buttons"> the kids are grown, there's no need to stay. Nothing kills a relationship like poor communication. ....وسعت 4
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@ibukunsings01قبل 9 أشهر Thanks. Appreciate hearing this. I'm on it.
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@sumatinairمنذ 3 سنوات People go where they feel welcome but stay where they feel valued..just beautiful.. 2
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@dipanutella2621قبل 4 أشهر This is a really good Ted Talk.
Recently, I found myself agonizing on how I could keep my relationship with my best friend. He was the first one id="hidden35" class="buttons"> to approach me back when we were strangers and opened up and the rest was history. We talked a lot, chatted, and called. The thing is though our work’s nature required us to be flexible to be reassigned on places at least once every six weeks. We were only together for 3 months before I got transferred. We still kept in touch, maybe even more so.
Fast forward to now, and I find myself insecure in our friendship as circumstances arose. Just had a fight a week ago (Right after christmas! Ikr?) and I started it because I felt like he kept dismissing me when in fact I just miss him dearly. Maybe I was bordering on codependency or have an anxious attachment style but he’s known me as an overthinker as I do know him as well.
These habits hopefully would make me a better friend to such an incredible guy.
I know you won’t see this bro but I love you. You’re a brother to me. ....وسعت
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@elizabethdjokovic2691منذ 4 سنوات Yes. When families breakdown the cost to society is great. The impact on children in volved can be devastating. We all have expectations before marriage id="hidden36" class="buttons"> but the reality is it's hard work and requires a lot of love, commitment and tolerance. Ultimately one makes choices. It's easy to give up when the going gets tough but sometimes you have to bite the bullet and leave. Two people united by the bonds of marriage who are pulling in opposite directions are doomed to failure. It always takes two to tango. ....وسعت 3
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@zenfarrier1473منذ 5 سنوات Thank goodness for this right now!!!❤️ 8
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@spurthichadharam9144منذ 3 سنوات So I think knowing facts and understanding each other s problems too helps us a lot 1
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@qelli20منذ 4 سنوات This is one of the best Ted Talks I have ever seen! 5
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@williekeyes2641منذ 2 سنوات People always say what you don't know won't hurt you but in relationships it won't help you either. You have to put the time in effort into learning the person you decided to be with. 1
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@fungaifanuelmakwarimba2054منذ 3 سنوات Wow indeed an amazing insight in relationship issues,, it has helped me understand more on some if the little things we neglect in relationships or the id="hidden38" class="buttons"> fears that then inhibit the four guidelines thank you for the session ....وسعت 5
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@ladybugz4839منذ 5 سنوات It be great to bring this into the work environments 3
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@TheMmiguelitoمنذ 5 سنوات This was so BEAUTIFUL!!! Thank you so much for Sharing this video,and thank these two for sharing their gifts!!! 16
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@nkirksey0114منذ 5 سنوات Thank you! This really gave me some great places to start 4